Many have discovered the pleasure of the butt and it brings to mind all the other sex toys that both straight and gay make use of.
Just let me indulge in a little black humour and remind readers of the early days of the heart pacemaker machines that were fitted with lithium batteries. The dearly departed would slide into the oven where the intense gas jets would swiftly reduce coffin and stiff to ashes only something started to go wrong!
As auntie fried there would be a loud bang from within the oven like the knocking of someone desperate to get out.
Eventually then problem was traced to the pacemakers and when these batteries were known to be fitted the undertaker arranged their pre-cremation removal.
All parts of the body are checked now for objects before cremation including silicone breast implants which can make a good old mess of Aunt Dolly’s ashes and turn her into lumps of grease balls instead of fine dry ashes.
What would happen if a butt plug remained up the rectum at a cremation? If made of metal it might just resist the flames and fall into the pile of ashes to be returned to the deceased partner perhaps. But if the butt was plastic it would doubtless melt and again would drop into the ashes but possible cool into an interesting artistic shape to be placed on the mantel piece as something of a talking point.
Yes, that was Cedric’s butt but now we call it bluebird as it reminds one of a bird from certain angles.
Crematorium operators like Funeral Directors cannot be expected to surgically remove things like artificial hips or metal plates and screws which many bodies now contain but one thing crematoriums are finding more and more amongst the ashes and the above mention artificial parts are an increasing number of scalpels and other operating room objects.
Are surgeons getting more and more careless or are there just as many missing instruments lying amongst the bones of those who were buried?
Talking of sex toys, is it really possible that the Victorians were so up themselves that they even gave a name to their single style of lovemaking; the missionary position? The answer is probably not as indicated by some of the very earliest and naughtiest photographs.
It seems certain men and women even in the 1890’s have enjoyed having photographs of naked bodies in action. What is amusing when looking at these photographs is to imagine the photographer with his head under the black cloth and a hand on the shutter button with the other holding up the sulphur light, telling the participants to hold still for five seconds and don’t smile!
Smiling always ruined the picture because people can’t hold a genuine smile that long. Go on, just try it, and don’t forget to be naked with your partner at the same time!
Perhaps we should all start making a list in our wills of body parts and where to find them starting with butt plug.
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